I am a Wanderer, a Vagabond, a Drifter, a Nomad, a Gypsy, a Traveler. Call it what you will, I am all of the above. To be any of these, a person must be free, and that's exactly what I was, FREE. Can you imagine being completely free one minute and in an instance you become chained and shackled for an indefinite amount of time? Well it is a hard concept to process, but as humans we learn to adapt to the situation at hand. And even though I am sick, I keep a thought constant in my mind, "It could always be worse." With that, I am able to get through everyday with a smile upon my face and laughter in my voice. I have always had an uplifting spirit, never dwelling on the bad side of things. "It's all good," could definitely be my life motto for I feel as though it does no good to focus on the things you cannot change, the things you have no control over.
Although I never set goals in life my soul has always been free, and I knew I wanted to live my life that way, and I was succeeding. Like I said I am a drifter, but now in a different sense, one that I am not content with. I am drifting away from my dream, away from autonomy. My dream of freely experiencing life has been taken from me due to unfortunate circumstances, leaving me with no other option but to create a new dream out of a new life.As you can imagine, as free as my soul was, school was not one of my favorite things. I never intended or had the urge to go to college, I went because of my parents. Instead, I wanted to travel, and that is what I expressed to my teachers. Schools, desk jobs, and institutions in general are not for me. Such structure and confine of the mind is ridiculous and cruel. During college I was fortunate to spend a summer out west in Glacier and catch a glimpse of what my dream truly was about. Even though I was in school, I made sure it never defined me and that I was still able to live free, to think freely, to laugh and grow freely. I was very happy, but it was life after college when I realized I was indeed truly free. After college I started to really live my dream, living and travelling wherever the wind blew. When you travel, you learn. The more people you meet, the more places you see, the more knowledge you gain. Nothing beats seeing 9,000+ foot peaks in your backyard, or having a beach to take a morning walk on, or a midnight kayak on a glacial lake, or having a bon-fire with people from 20+ countries to socialize with. That's the life meant for me, and until that day, if that day ever comes back around, I will have to learn to be content with the environment around me, and start to learn in other ways.
I just hope that one day I will be the Nomad that I was born to be. I want to travel, I want to explore, I want to meet new people, see new cultures, eat new foods, see new sites, climb mountains, swim in oceans, rivers, and lakes, play in the rain and snow, and laugh with friends (new and old). The hard part of this whole journey has not been learning I have a heart disease, or that I have to take medications at all hours of the day and night or that I have to rely on the medicines to keep my heart stable; the hard part isn't even living with my parents again and depending upon them, giving up all independence, or even the physical restraints, the hard part is not being able to live my dream, to travel, to live FREE. And then to hear stories and see pictures of friends who are living my dream...that's the hard part. I want to be where they are, to smell the fresh mountain air or the salty sea and have the peaks and valleys and vast expanse of the ocean pierce my eyes and burn their image within me. I want to be a wanderer again, I want to sway with the trees, fall with the rain and the snow, twirl with the tall grass, flow with the water, blossom with the flowers, move with the ground, dance with the wind, sing with the birds, rise with the sun, smile with the rainbows, transform with the clouds, and smoke with the gypsies.
I want to be one with these places, with all of these things, but for now I am one with my bed, with my couch, with my computer, with my books. And for now I read, I learn and I soak it all in and I try new things. Which just made me think, maybe I will see how many new hobbies I can pick up. So if you're reading this and think you have a good suggestion for me, (hobby/interest/skill) that I might like, as long as it does not require too much physical stamina as my heart would not be able to endure it, suggest away and i'll try it out (if I don't already know how to do it) and i'll let you know how it goes. For instance my friend carrie just showed me a website about writing a 50,000 word novel in one month, so that will be one of my new hobbies/goals, i will become a novelist and im sure these blog posts will be part of it, and if you want to become a novelist as well check out this website www.nanowrimo.org.
Thanks for reading and I hope there will be some good suggestions that comes out of this. As for my health, nothing has changed since the last update. I'm pretty sure I probably won't be writing another health update until after I'm seen at John Hopkins on April 11th. I'm still going for check up appointments to the urologist, neurologist, and cardiologist about weekly but nothing really to update upon. So I guess that's it, until next time, Travel safely and only leave your footprints behind.
P.S. To all my glacier friends, if you read this, I expect you to have a Safety Meeting at the conclusion of this sentence. Stay safe out there!
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