I StumbledUpon this poem one night and found it very fitting for my situation, but also relevant for most people in life. The author is known, Ellen Bass, but I could not find the source.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Ellen Bass: To Love Life
I StumbledUpon this poem one night and found it very fitting for my situation, but also relevant for most people in life. The author is known, Ellen Bass, but I could not find the source.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
A New Home Among the Mountains (Asheville, NC)
So after two years of living back at home with the parents, I have moved out on my own. Two years ago, to the month, I was living, working and traveling all over the west coast. But then in the blink of an eye, my whole life turned upside down and I had no other option but to return home. So the past two years were spent trying to get through some tough life struggles and return to my healthy self. Just in the past couple months, have I finally felt strong enough to take the plunge, to move out, and live on my own. This was a big decision in many regards.
For one, I have never lived by myself, I have always had a roommate of some kind. Whether it was five or one, there was always someone else around. Also, my health is still not 100%, nor will it probably ever be, so I will always need to reside near a hospital; that means no more living out in the middle of nowhere Montana.
Deciding on where I first wanted to move was the easy part. I still had to be a short drive away from my doctors and my parents, but I wanted to be in a place where I knew I would enjoy my time, and the process of meeting people would be relatively easy. The answer was clearly Asheville,NC, as there are really no other options near Greenville,SC. I was tired of living in the city where I grew up, seeing the same faces and places. Although Greenville is a very nice city and a great place to live, I am one who tends to get bored with my sorroundings and therefor needs new environments to learn, grow and to peak my curiosity. For those who don't know, Asheville is set in the middle of the blue ridge mountains and is quite the hippy town with microbreweries, drum circles, vegan and vegetarian restaurants, a terrific music scene, tons of great local art, and a variety of unique shops. It has many resemblances of a small verision of Portland, so as one could imagine, I feel quite at home in this city.
Around April or May of this year, I had set my mind on moving out of my parent's house by the end of the year. I searched daily all over the web for housing, but for months had no luck. I knew I didn't want to live in a college apartment or an apartment complex at all for that matter. I was set on living in a house of some kind or a duplex. I also wanted to be in walking distance of downtown, which is very hard to find at an affordable rate. But in early September, I spotted a gem on Craigslist. The post had no picture, just a brief three sentence description of the place. A one bedroom, walking distance to downtown set right in my price range. I gave the guy a call and arranged to see the place the following day. When I went to take a look at the place, I immediately knew I wanted to move in, so I filled out an application. Sadly, just in the fifteen minutes I was there, there were about eight other people who came to look at the property, and everyone wanted to rent it. I could only imagine how many other people checked out the place throughout the day. I was absolutely confident I was not going to get the place, especially with my bad credit that I have because of my medical bills that sent me into bankruptcy. So I went home and watched the first Gamecocks football game of the season, thinking that was that, until my phone rang. It was the landlord. I was flabbergasted. Sure enough he was calling to let me know he chose me to rent the place out. ME!!!! Out of all the people, I have no idea why he chose me, but he did, and I was and am so very happy for that.
My house is less than two blocks from Whole Foods, about a quarter mile to downtown, and less than a mile to the Orange Peel. It is everything I could have hoped for. I have a great neighbor, a roomy place with a big kitchen, a front porch, and a fenced in back yard.
But as happy as I am with the place, I still have had to deal with bad anxiety. The first two weeks living in my new place definitely had me on edge. I was becoming frustrated with many things, and I was somewhat lonely at night and I just didn't feel comfortable, and I wasn't quite sure why. Most likely it was because my security net had been lifted. Living at home with my parents, and having my aunt and uncle right next door, I knew if anything were to happen, someone would be around to help. Now, if something goes awry, especially if I get shocked, I'm on my own. I guess the unknown has probably been the hardest part of ridding myself of anxiety. Waiting around for that next shock, waiting to go into V-Tach. I'm expecting something bad to happen at any moment, because for two years something bad did seem to happen just about every month. It's been an adjustment just to get back to being used to and comfortable with being healthy. So I decided to re-enlist in Cardiac Rehab, so I can get back to exercise under the supervision of nurses, and for that, I am excited.
So besides the unneccessary and unhelpful worrying about the future, about bad things that may or may not happen, everything else seems to be falling into place. I feel healthier, stronger, and more positve about the future, my health and my soul. I just recently returned from a week long vacation, and while I was gone, I actually missed my house, and Asheville itself. That is a very good sign!!! The future is looking bright. Next on the list...finding a job!
For one, I have never lived by myself, I have always had a roommate of some kind. Whether it was five or one, there was always someone else around. Also, my health is still not 100%, nor will it probably ever be, so I will always need to reside near a hospital; that means no more living out in the middle of nowhere Montana.
Deciding on where I first wanted to move was the easy part. I still had to be a short drive away from my doctors and my parents, but I wanted to be in a place where I knew I would enjoy my time, and the process of meeting people would be relatively easy. The answer was clearly Asheville,NC, as there are really no other options near Greenville,SC. I was tired of living in the city where I grew up, seeing the same faces and places. Although Greenville is a very nice city and a great place to live, I am one who tends to get bored with my sorroundings and therefor needs new environments to learn, grow and to peak my curiosity. For those who don't know, Asheville is set in the middle of the blue ridge mountains and is quite the hippy town with microbreweries, drum circles, vegan and vegetarian restaurants, a terrific music scene, tons of great local art, and a variety of unique shops. It has many resemblances of a small verision of Portland, so as one could imagine, I feel quite at home in this city.
Around April or May of this year, I had set my mind on moving out of my parent's house by the end of the year. I searched daily all over the web for housing, but for months had no luck. I knew I didn't want to live in a college apartment or an apartment complex at all for that matter. I was set on living in a house of some kind or a duplex. I also wanted to be in walking distance of downtown, which is very hard to find at an affordable rate. But in early September, I spotted a gem on Craigslist. The post had no picture, just a brief three sentence description of the place. A one bedroom, walking distance to downtown set right in my price range. I gave the guy a call and arranged to see the place the following day. When I went to take a look at the place, I immediately knew I wanted to move in, so I filled out an application. Sadly, just in the fifteen minutes I was there, there were about eight other people who came to look at the property, and everyone wanted to rent it. I could only imagine how many other people checked out the place throughout the day. I was absolutely confident I was not going to get the place, especially with my bad credit that I have because of my medical bills that sent me into bankruptcy. So I went home and watched the first Gamecocks football game of the season, thinking that was that, until my phone rang. It was the landlord. I was flabbergasted. Sure enough he was calling to let me know he chose me to rent the place out. ME!!!! Out of all the people, I have no idea why he chose me, but he did, and I was and am so very happy for that.
My house is less than two blocks from Whole Foods, about a quarter mile to downtown, and less than a mile to the Orange Peel. It is everything I could have hoped for. I have a great neighbor, a roomy place with a big kitchen, a front porch, and a fenced in back yard.
But as happy as I am with the place, I still have had to deal with bad anxiety. The first two weeks living in my new place definitely had me on edge. I was becoming frustrated with many things, and I was somewhat lonely at night and I just didn't feel comfortable, and I wasn't quite sure why. Most likely it was because my security net had been lifted. Living at home with my parents, and having my aunt and uncle right next door, I knew if anything were to happen, someone would be around to help. Now, if something goes awry, especially if I get shocked, I'm on my own. I guess the unknown has probably been the hardest part of ridding myself of anxiety. Waiting around for that next shock, waiting to go into V-Tach. I'm expecting something bad to happen at any moment, because for two years something bad did seem to happen just about every month. It's been an adjustment just to get back to being used to and comfortable with being healthy. So I decided to re-enlist in Cardiac Rehab, so I can get back to exercise under the supervision of nurses, and for that, I am excited.
So besides the unneccessary and unhelpful worrying about the future, about bad things that may or may not happen, everything else seems to be falling into place. I feel healthier, stronger, and more positve about the future, my health and my soul. I just recently returned from a week long vacation, and while I was gone, I actually missed my house, and Asheville itself. That is a very good sign!!! The future is looking bright. Next on the list...finding a job!
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