The Life of the Lonely and Lost

Below are a few writings of mine, that have all been written in the past week.  I am pretty sure this was just me going through withdrawal of leaving my home in East Glacier, and all of my friends out there, who are actually more like family.  They understand me, they let me be who I am, and they encourage it.  There are no judgements, there is no dislike.  It is a place filled with love, adventure, and buckets of laughs.  So journeying back to the Carolinas was sad, disappointing, and not what I wanted.  So after some Red Wine by myself, this is what my mind in accordance with my hand has produced.  It's not obviously for enjoyment, considering it doesn't have much of an uplifting message.  It is more of me releasing my feelings, my emotions, my thoughts, so I am not burdened by heavy thoughts.  It is simply freeing.

I.  It's the lack of laughter, the absence of adoration, the deficiency of direction that stirs my loneliness.

II.  The soul is consumed within a drought. Dried up clinching on to life, thirsty to live. The heart is lost in the deep dark crevasses of life.  Discovering a hint of light if it looks up, but it is mainly lost, lost in the dark.  The mind is simply wandering in nothing less than a maze, not knowing whether to go left or right, North or South.  Directionless and frustrated, wondering where the end is.  The body cries out just to be touched.  Weeping to be in the company of another soul that will bind the two together.  The body is lonely.  The body is lost.

III.  I have no one to share a laugh with.  I have no one to be adventurous with.  I have no one around that knows me.  I have no one to share a drink with.  I Have No One.  I have no one to be intimate with.  I have no one to love.  I have no one to share an inside joke with.  I Have No One.  I have no one to be nervous around.  I have no one to be crazy around.  I have no one to share a deep thought with.  I have no one to cry with.  I Have No One.  I have no one to explore the world with.  I have no one to explore me.  I have no one to travel with.  I have no one that will travel to see me.   I Have No One.

IV.   I'm lost, I'm empty.
       I'm scared,
       I am a blank.
     
       I have no goal
       I have no dream
       I am just a lost soul

       I am agitated
       I am frustrated
       I am stressed

       Lost is what I am

New Music

Well as the summer starts to draw toward an end...maybe not so much temperature wise, however.  There have been a number of amazing new album releases from some veteran artists, below are a few of my favorites.  So let me dive right in it.  And towards the bottom there are two new Indie-Folk bands that I have become a fan of...I posted their hit singles below so make sure to check them out!

Andrew Bird:
Album: Break It Yourself

Regina Spektor

Album:  What We Saw from the Cheap Seats

 
Fiona Apple
Album: The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw 
and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do

Dispatch
Album: Circle Around the Sun

Slightly Stoopid
Album: Top of the World

Leftover Salmon
Album:  Aquatic Hitchhiker

Passion Pit
Album: Gossamer

*****And there have been two new bands that have emerged on to the scene that have started to gain attention.

Milo Greene
Album: Self-Titled
Bio:  A five member indie-folk ensemble that has great harmonies.  Each member can play various instruments, so they tend to mix it up on stage a good bit.

The Lumineers
Album: Self-Titled
Bio:  Another new indie-folk band with the same amount of people as Milo Greene.  Mainly lead vocals by a guy backed up by a girl and a couple other guys.  Hit single has some similarities to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros song "Home".

ARVD Definitely is Genetic

So my cousin just got a confirmed diagnosis of ARVD as well.  She has two little boys so they soon will be tested.  My cousin and uncle still have to undergo an EP study to see if they have any arrhythmias or whatever else.  My dad who got his defibrillator just less than a year ago, his disease is progressing.  Within just a couple of days he had 7 episodes recorded, one included him experiencing syncope and the other caused him to be shocked for the first time.  He will now be admitted into the hospital to start the anti-arrhythmic Sotalol.  So as my ARVD has reached a stable point, my dads has quickly progressed.  Now we're just waiting for our other family members to finish their testing.  I'm hoping my cousins' little boys of course do not have it, but the likelihood that they do is very high, at least one of them.  My cousin too, will probably need to be getting an ICD after her EP study, because although my uncle, her father, carries the gene but is not affected by it, she has experienced syncope a couple times.  So we are all very anxious to get the rest of the results.

And just a side note, to anyone who has just had an epicardial ablation or is struggling to find the right amount of exercise as to not progress the disease but enough to feel active, I strongly encourage cardiac rehab.  It's just working out under the supervision of nurses with a portable heart monitor to keep a constant check.  It has, more than I expected, greatly reduced my anxiety, which has helped just living day to day.  The Johns Hopkins team suggested I keep my heart rate under 115 but I've been keeping 122 bpm as my max.